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NAVIGATION
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LOVES
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Crisps, Music, Friends, Sheep, Funky stuff, RAINBOW BRIGHT, The Clangers, Silly bags (I think I have 80.. currently), Blankey, Ted, Bill and rufus the bairn, sex, alcohol, smoking, bubblewrap, sleeping, cuddles, Matthew (my godson), Oursad, Mammy and Daddy, Jean (Godmother), Ernie (Godfather), GREENDAY.James
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HATES
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Lies, Deceit, Slyness, Using the internet to CHEAT, patronising people, getting out of bed, scales, WAXWORKS, being alone, being helpless, pepper, hangovers, spots, getting washed (why can't hair just clean itself ...i can't be arsed), periods, headfucks and mindgames, charvas (I don't care if there's a real person under that tracksuit I still hate them), Avril Lavigne, More Than.
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READS
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THE
DIARY
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dickface Feels like forever since I have written. In fact it seems it is, I am feeling lost, alone and not understanding what is going on anymore. I should be the happy, I should be content and I shouldnt be thinking about the fucking wanker that has screwed me over-but I am. I dont know if that the wanting for someone to love you or the chase is what I want. But I cannot stop myself thinking about all that 'what ifs' I have had in my past. I think about it all the time even though I am with someone that dotes on me completely. Maybe I just cannot accept that I can be loved or maybe I have to fight for it to make it worth while. I just don't know anymore. I am making myself ill again because I know I should be happy but I cannot be. I just don't understand myself, I can't grasp what the fuck is wrong here. For fucks sake I am pining for some lying cheatin shitbag! Who has been out of my life for 4 months yet I cannot get the twat out of my mind- for fucks sake I dream about him. I hate it, I want, I want god I want him. I want him to feel how I feel and think like I have been thinking. I should not have got myself into any kind of relationship when I was feeling this way but i was too happy to have someone want me and now its going so fast i think i am going to run headlong into something I cant control. I jst dont know what to do. I hate that i still want that twat, i hate that he's probably happy fucking that stupid bitch that called me that day, i want him to hurt as much as i do. i want him to feel utterly rejected and worthless. Wrong emotions I know but fuck that i didn't cheat, didnt lie, didnt fuck some stupid bitch who calls me after 6 months together to tell me shes been with him for 2 months FUCKING CUNT! bunch of cunts the lot of them! |
